Creep
by stars fly so high
Summary: 'I'm a creep...I'm a weirdo.' Johnny Cade watches his desire from afar during a day at the park. Loosely based off Radiohead's 'Creep.' R&R! One-shot.


**A/N: This popped into my head one day when I was listening to my iPod, and I haven't been able to get it out of my brain. ****I'm so sorry I wasn't able to get it up sooner, but I've been busy with school, summer school, and fixing my problem-prone computer. D8**

**P.S. ~ I don't own _The Outsiders_, or the lines from '_Creep_' I use (directly or indirectly), only Donna.**

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(Third Person POV)

Buttery sunlight invaded the wintry bleakness of Tulsa's streets, beckoning the citizens to revel in the warmth. The park now overflowed with children, their sudden screams of joy and laughter piercing the normal placidness. Couples sat on the wooden benches, laying in each other's arms blissfully. Birds chirped and sang, & the occasional squirrel ran across the grass. The sun seemed to brighten the mood, making everybody happy under its glow.

That is, everyone _except_ for Johnny Cade.

The greaser sat on a park bench, head in his hands, the laughter and joy obviously not touching him. Park-goers walked around him, hoping he wouldn't explode at them in a sudden fit of rage. Children watched him cautiously, avoiding his small, tan body. The kids who were curious about Johnny were pulled away quickly by their nervy parents.

_'Stupid, stupid, stupid!'_ he thought. _'Why can't I ever do anything right?' _

He fell over on his way to english class, accidentally tripping a Soc girl, who broke her arm against a concrete wall. The girl's boyfriend was walking with her when it happened, so he beat the kid greaser up. Johnny left during lunch, not bothering to come back since he didn't want to be at school anyways. His classmates would only bore their eyes into him and sneer unsympathetically at his bruises and freshly busted lip. He thought the park would be a quiet place for him to think & escape from the confines of the school, but he didn't expect all those people to be outside. His eyelids scrunched together as he tried to clear the memories of today from his mind.

But when thoughts are locked up, other thoughts escape. Sometimes, those are the thoughts you wish had been restrained.

A face intruded Johnny's mind, not that he complained at the moment. It distracted him from his crappy day, so how could he? The ivory skin, those full, pink lips, that reddish-brown hair, those green-tinged, grey eyes were a forbidden pleasure for him. He wanted to hold that innocent face between his hands, even if it was just to stare deeply into those mysterious eyes. More than anything, Johnny wanted to taste the tobacco on those lips & grab fistfuls of that thick hair in the heat of passion. Yet, he knew better than anyone that would _never_ happen.

Love between two boys just didn't happen. Well, it did, but when that budding rose started to bloom, it was always destroyed. Johnny knew this. He'd heard about plenty of fights where the guys jumped turned out to be 'queers.' He didn't need another reason to get his head bashed in by Socs.

But he had so much more to lose than just his life. It wasn't just some random stranger Johnny lusted over; it was Ponyboy Curtis, his best friend. He couldn't tell Ponyboy his feelings, for fear he'd lose not only his friend, but their whole gang. They were the only people that actually cared about him. He didn't want his friends to spurn him, didn't want Dallas, his hero, disgusted with him, & he sure as hell didn't want his best friend's rejection. So, Johnny tried to bottle up those heated, trembly feelings. But everytime Pony would smile charmingly at him, or their eyes met or their skin touched, the cork popped out of the bottle. It took every ounce of self-control, all the muscles in his body, and every single cell in his brain to keep from spilling his guts to the younger boy & acting out his fantasies.

He opened his dark eyes slowly, the sunlight blinding him as he did so. Johnny felt sick that he got off just imagining his beautiful form. He didn't want to stain that degree of perfection with his grungy hands. Standing up awkwardly, he brushed dirt off his jeans & started to walk away from the center of the park. That's when the voice rang clear in his ears.

"How's it goin', Ponyboy?" a clearly feminine voice asked. Johnny ducked quickly behind a large tree, praying he hadn't be seen. He peered over the side of the tree, observing some trashy greaser girl in Pony's english class talk to him.

'_Aw crap! __That girl's sweet on him,' _he thought._ 'What if he likes her too? What if they start goin' together? Oh, what's it matter anyway? It ain't like we got a future or nothin'...' _Watching jealously as the girl flirted with Pony by the fountain, Johnny unconsciously dug his nails into the tree bark. _'It ain't fair! Why does that floozy get a chance with him, but I don't? I treat Ponyboy better than she'd ever! I need him more'n she does.'_

Sometime during the mini-war in Johnny's head, Pony took off his hoodie. His pale, muscular arms were showcased by the sleeveless tee he wore. Johnny's wide eyes zeroed in on them, hoping one day those arms would shelter him in their warmth. Ponyboy's flawless face was lit up his gleaming greased hair. They reflected sunbeams in a glowy halo around his head. _'Pon__y's just like an angel. He's fuckin' special.' _His ears finally focused enough to hear what Pony was saying.

"...Donna, I-I don't feel the same." His voice wrapped around the words uncomfortably, but they still sent Johnny's heartbeat out of whack.

"Whaddya mean you _don't_?" Donna wailed. Pony opened his mouth to say something, but she continued making a scene. " Ev'rytime ya see me in English ya say I look pretty. And I'm _pretty_ sure that's _flirtin_', Curtis! What kinda girl do ya think I am, _huh_? Say one compliment, then _BAM_, I put out? _Pig!" _She stormed off, but not before slapping Ponyboy across the face & shoving him into the fountain.

Ponyboy pulled himself back up, breathing heavily out of shock. The drenched gray shirt he wore stuck closely to his skin. Johnny hoped he'd take it off, even if he walked away the next second, just so he could catch a glimpse of his body. Almost as if he could sense Johnny's need, Ponyboy yanked off his wet shirt, wringing out the water and then laying it out on the fountain's edge. He stood in the sun, shivering as his bare torso was exposed to the slight breeze. The shadows cast by the sun threw the contours of Pony's creamy-white abs into the spotlight.

Johnny, stunned by sheer attraction, froze on the spot. His brain went completely blank, leaving his mind free of the riotous thoughts that usually plagued him. Time seemed to crawl as his eyes traveled down Ponyboy's lean muscles. Normally, it would take everything he had to keep from jumping on Pony, but Johnny didn't want to mess with this perfect moment. Pony shrugged into his hoodie, covering the immaculate -to Johnny- carving of his stomach & chest temptingly, painfully slow. And then, as suddenly as it had come, the moment was over.

Johnny stared blankly for one moment, then snapped out of it, realizing how his little crush might look to other people. He felt like those sick perverts waiting in dark alleyways for naive kids like Ponyboy to take for a ride. _'Oh, goshamighty! What kinda creep spies on a boy from far away? I do...I'm a creep...I'm a weirdo.' _Pony was jailbait - he might be everything Johnny wanted, but he'd do nothing for Johnny but get him put in the cooler.

'_What the hell am I doin' here?' _Johnny questioned himself internally. All he knew was that he needed to get out of there. And _fast_.

_'I don't belong here...'_

He took a few steps away from what he wanted so much, and a pair of strong hands grabbed his shoulders.

"Johnnycake, y'know starin at girls from far away doesn't get 'em to like ya, right?" Two-Bit teased from behind him.

"Fuckin' let me go, Two-Bit!" Johnny demanded. He turned Johnny around to face him, staring into his feral eyes for answers he wasn't going to find.

"Wha's yer problem? I'm just fuckin' around with ya," Two-Bit replied, perplexed by Johnny's tone. "What happen'd to yer face?" he asked, gently touching Johnny's busted lip & the bruises on his face. He tried to turn away, but Two-Bit was too strong for the younger boy.

"I _don't_ got time to _fuck _around! I j-just gotta, no, _needa_ get away from 'ere, so-"

"Johnny!"

_'Aw shit...' _Johnny thought as he observed Ponyboy jogging towards them. He writhed frantically under Two-Bit's hands, his constant pleas of "Lemme go!" morphing into a loud, guttural chorus. Several park-goers stared at the scene, frightened by his beat up appearance.

"The fuck's goin' on?" Two-Bit urged, tightening his grip, but Johnny didn't explain; he only grew more frenzied as Pony neared them. He looked back up at Two-Bit, who only raised a stark eyebrow at him.

"Be a buddy Two-Bit, please...I don't wanna make Pony or 'nyone worry!" Johnny pleaded in a low voice, but it was too late. Ponyboy finally closed the space between them, the confusion clear on his face.

"Two-Bit, let 'im go." Johnny drank in every angle of his face, remembering every contour, like this was the last time he would see Pony.

"Knock it off." This time, Pony had more force behind his voice. Two-Bit released his grip, half-expecting Johnny to run, but his conflicted feelings left him cemented in place.

"Jeez, ya sounded like Darry for a sec," Two-Bit commented. Pony was about to smack him in the back of the head, but he glanced over at Johnny, taking in his frightened, distrustful eyes and mottled face.

"Johnnycake," he said, extending his hand,"Who did that?"

Johnny wanted nothing more than Pony's fingers to stroke his face. To murmur those soothing words he'd utter every time Johnny's skin showed the familiar markings. But if he gave in, if he let Pony touch him this time, he was as good as dead. Pony almost reached Johnny, but he jerked away quickly, readying himself to do the hardest thing in his life. The hardest thing, that is, until he would have to kill a person nearly a month later to save the boy he loved, but could never be with.

"_Don't touch me!_ I don't _wanna_ be touched, 'n I dunno _what _I'll do to ya if I am!" he screamed. Ponyboy jumped. He'd never heard Johnny yell before.

"Johnny, I'm not tryin' to hurt you," Ponyboy stated. The hurt look in his eyes sent waves of pain and guilt through Johnny.

"It ain't you, Pony," he lied, unauthorized tenderness leaking into his words. "I swear." Johnny turned and bolted, unsure of where to go, his need to get as far away from the park as possible overshadowing everything else. His survival depended on it.

_'Just run...run...run...RUN!' _

Ponyboy took a step forward to follow him, but Two-Bit put a hand on his chest.

"Don't. He'll come back when he wants." The nineteen-year-old walked away, leaving Ponyboy standing in the park alone. He mulled over the last words Johnny said, and the way his dark eyes had looked when he said them. They didn't match. Johnny's eyes were always soft and scared, but they looked more like two hard pieces of coal in his eye sockets.

_'The only time Johnny's eyes ever look like that's when...he's lying. They do that when he lies about his bruises...when he lies about his pain.' _Pony's eyes widened. _'Did I- Am I hurting Johnny?'_

Ponyboy didn't know why -he never would figure out why- but he had the strange feeling he was right.

_'Whatever makes you happy, Johnny. Whatever you want,_' Pony thought, watching Johnny's jet-black hair disappear around the street corner. _'Anything to stop hurting you. You're very special.'_

Forgetting all about his shirt still laying on the fountain, Ponyboy wandered home distractedly, those ebony eyes still on his mind.


End file.
